By Christine Thackeray
Have you ever had an earth-shattering impression to do something that you just ignored? I've had many but this week one of those impressions reawakened and I'm not going to let it fall away this time. I'm going to wrap my arms around it and get it done.
About a year after the birth of my fifth child I went crazy. I had had a couple of early term miscarriages and my hormones were totally out of whack. I could feel it. I was laughing and crying at the same time every day all day for no apparent reason and I basically couldn't function. It was not pretty. One day I called my doctor's group frantic and asked for an immediate appointment. They sent me to their new nurse practitioner who in retrospect should have her license revoked. (I LOVE some nurse practitioners- it was just this woman.) When I told her my problem and that I felt like my hormones weren't readjusting, she told me the answer to everything was anti-depressants and that there were no side effects whatsoever. She said it was the best medicine ever created, and all I needed in order to take this secret to joy was a pregnancy test.
Well, I failed. I was barely pregnant (by two days) so I got an appointment with my normal doctor who told me that my hormones weren't adjusting properly and gave me some progesterone cream to help. Within a few weeks I was back to my semi-normal self and it felt great. That same year I had a visiting teaching companion who had a mean husband and a son on drugs. She separated with him and was trying her hardest to save this wayward son while singly raising four other demanding children but the oldest was becoming more and more violent. It was tearing her apart, as it would any mother. One day she came over to my house with a huge smile on her face. She had been to see a new doctor who told her that her only problem was that she was depressed and gave her medication. I remember her smiling and saying how wonderful her life was going to be now that she was not sad anymore. Her son was still in jail, her husband was still refusing to divorce her because while they were only separated he didn't have to pay child support, she still had no job and four other difficult children. It is right that she should still capture joy in her relationship with the Lord, in her personal accomplishments and in her role as a mother but it is OK for her to be justifiably upset, sad and fearful about her situation- it is called being normal.
I met another woman that I adored. As a young mother she struggled with feelings of inadequacy and perfectionism. On the advice of her physician she began taking a low dose of antidepressants and they helped take the edge off. She goes off them in the spring summer and goes back in the cold months and has been very grateful for a medicine that has allowed her to keep her emotions and mental stability in check. Another friend after suffering childhood abuse has found great relief with medication, while making use of a light box for seasonal issues and a careful diet to offset blood sugar-induced mood swings. She has built a stable foundation and has been able to function despite the neurological scarring of a difficult childhood.
Through these experiences and others I felt so strongly that depression be not better understood but better EXPLAINED. Normal, healthy people should and do feel depressed when they encounter huge obstacles. Depression like elation, anxiety, excitement, concern, fear and contentment are normal emotional states all humans will encounter in their lifetime. If you are in a tough marriage, if you have a child who is rebellious, if you have lost a friend or relative to death, if you are under constant pressure, a normal reaction is for your body to shut down so that you can recover. This shutting down can be different for different people but the lack of will or joy, the inability to make decisions and the desire to isolate or withdraw are typical. Sometimes the sadness can be so extreme that a person wants to cease to exist or to hurt themselves just to feel something. If these thoughts persist, it is imperative they seek professional help. But for the others who find themselves in this abyss, medication is only one option and won't fix the other stressors or triggers causing the depression. Like putting a band-aid over a splinter, the offending matter will only fester until it must be dealt with eventually.
On the other hand, genetically some people are neurologically fragile, some are scarred by abuse and others have experienced depression so many times from external sources that even after those stressors are relieved, their minds repeat this state of emotion on its own. There are also over seventeen true medical conditions that imitate depression.
Each person may find a different answer for coping with their individual struggle. Though their answers may be very different, one thing I truly believe is the path to finding those answers is the same. If they seek with the Spirit, they will find the doctor or the article or the principle that will help them. But really that is the easy part. The true struggle begins after you've figured out the cure, because for most mental health issues, the remedy is a process, not an event. Whether it is changing bad habits, shifting negative scripting either in a relationship or in their own head, creating barriers that keep you safe on the path to healing, breaking the chains of addictions, diet, exercise, medication or herbal supplements, all of them take time to implement and relief only comes with consistency, which stands at the complete opposite corner of reality than the depressed psyche. It's hard stuff but it is so worth it because when you are on task, you can tell you are your best self.
After all this, I guess the bottom line is I really want to organize and prepare a clear premise for dealing with depression through gospel principles. So when we face depression, we are empowered. We need to seek to figure out the source of our feelings and then assess if it is something we can cope with by means of diet, exercise or increased positive experiences in our life or do we need more help through counselling or medication.
I look forward to Sandra's relationship insights, working with feelings and thoughts from the inside out but I also think we need to keep our eyes open from the outside in and figure out what these experiences can teach us We also need to discover how we can increase our ability to be healed by using the gifts of the gospel of Christ because I believe that is what it is for.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
A New Definition to Self-Mastery
I confess! I was listening to Dr. Laura the other day in the car. She mentioned how dogs often take emotional cues from their masters, just as kids may be afraid of something because their parents have "warned" them it will be scary. The idea of taking cues from our "masters" and subconsciously mirroring those feelings sort of stuck with me.
We just returned from a trip and getting back into the swing of things has been stressful. My husband has been irritable, short-tempered and no fun to be around as he has had to deal with making up for all the work that has stockpiled while he was away. Yesterday I was so weepy and I couldn't understand why I was so down until I stopped and put one and one together. I was personalizing so much of my husband's stress, just like the dog taking cues from his master.
I thought of teens who get pulled into behaviors they wouldn't have otherwise chosen or women that become destroyed by emotional abuse. They allow someone else to become their "master" and have undue control over what they feel.
I once saw a newscast about a woman who was kidnapped and raped for two days before she was released. The journalist questioning her asked if this would destroy her life but I remember her bravely shaking her head and saying, "This man stole two days of my life, why would I let him steal one more second." She vowed that she was going to put it behind her and live every day she had left to its fullest. For her, she was the master. That type of emotionally "self-mastery" is a powerful gift that we can each aspire to.
We just returned from a trip and getting back into the swing of things has been stressful. My husband has been irritable, short-tempered and no fun to be around as he has had to deal with making up for all the work that has stockpiled while he was away. Yesterday I was so weepy and I couldn't understand why I was so down until I stopped and put one and one together. I was personalizing so much of my husband's stress, just like the dog taking cues from his master.
I thought of teens who get pulled into behaviors they wouldn't have otherwise chosen or women that become destroyed by emotional abuse. They allow someone else to become their "master" and have undue control over what they feel.
I once saw a newscast about a woman who was kidnapped and raped for two days before she was released. The journalist questioning her asked if this would destroy her life but I remember her bravely shaking her head and saying, "This man stole two days of my life, why would I let him steal one more second." She vowed that she was going to put it behind her and live every day she had left to its fullest. For her, she was the master. That type of emotionally "self-mastery" is a powerful gift that we can each aspire to.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Blame the Weather
By Christine Thackeray
When I was young, my grandmother often stayed with us. Some mornings she would get up stiffly and say she knew it was going to rain because her knees were talking to her. I wasn't quite sure what she meant until years later when genetics had finally done its work. Now I know what she is talking about. When there is a significant pressure change, my knees swell up like basketballs. After talking to a variety of specialists the best thing I can do, if I like my liver and kidneys, is just put up with it until the next day when they are pretty much back to normal.
This internal barometer has taught me something. For people who are neurologically sensitive either due to genetics or injury, their brains act like my knees. On days where my knees swell, I'll often call friends who struggle with depression or mania and find they are whacked out, feeling either exhausted or extremely moody that day.
Interestingly, it even has a name "Barometric Depression Syndrome." Not much research has been done on this problem but I can tell you first hand that it exists because I've seen it. The last week in Portland it has gone from sunshine to hail to snow and back to 60 degree weather in a single afternoon. It's so bad I can barely walk up the stairs. I've got one friend who is struggling with migraines, another who came over yesterday in tears and a third who can't get out of bed. I keep telling them not to personalize it- it isn't their fault. Blame it on all these freak storms.
In 1979 a group of "brain-dead" scientists did a study of 72 people with severe headaches in the Boston area to see if their headaches were affected by the weather. Based on this single, poorly conceived study there are a group of medical professionals who will tell you that you are crazy if you see this correlation. The huge holes in this study are that Boston is not an area really well known for severe pressure changes- try Texas or Kansas right before a twister and see how you feel. Secondly, if your population is chosen from people who already have severe headaches on a regular basis, they have a different trigger. Finally, there is far more evidence to support the truth. One medical site states that the most common type of headache is due to pressure changes in the weather. If you do a google search you'll find dozens of people who discuss this very topic. Fibromyalgia is also proven to be triggered by barometric shifts. There is even some evidence that SAD (seasonal affected disorder) may be linked to barometric pressure changes. So the next time you wake up feeling off, remember it may not be you at all. It is probably just the weather.
When I was young, my grandmother often stayed with us. Some mornings she would get up stiffly and say she knew it was going to rain because her knees were talking to her. I wasn't quite sure what she meant until years later when genetics had finally done its work. Now I know what she is talking about. When there is a significant pressure change, my knees swell up like basketballs. After talking to a variety of specialists the best thing I can do, if I like my liver and kidneys, is just put up with it until the next day when they are pretty much back to normal.
This internal barometer has taught me something. For people who are neurologically sensitive either due to genetics or injury, their brains act like my knees. On days where my knees swell, I'll often call friends who struggle with depression or mania and find they are whacked out, feeling either exhausted or extremely moody that day.
Interestingly, it even has a name "Barometric Depression Syndrome." Not much research has been done on this problem but I can tell you first hand that it exists because I've seen it. The last week in Portland it has gone from sunshine to hail to snow and back to 60 degree weather in a single afternoon. It's so bad I can barely walk up the stairs. I've got one friend who is struggling with migraines, another who came over yesterday in tears and a third who can't get out of bed. I keep telling them not to personalize it- it isn't their fault. Blame it on all these freak storms.
In 1979 a group of "brain-dead" scientists did a study of 72 people with severe headaches in the Boston area to see if their headaches were affected by the weather. Based on this single, poorly conceived study there are a group of medical professionals who will tell you that you are crazy if you see this correlation. The huge holes in this study are that Boston is not an area really well known for severe pressure changes- try Texas or Kansas right before a twister and see how you feel. Secondly, if your population is chosen from people who already have severe headaches on a regular basis, they have a different trigger. Finally, there is far more evidence to support the truth. One medical site states that the most common type of headache is due to pressure changes in the weather. If you do a google search you'll find dozens of people who discuss this very topic. Fibromyalgia is also proven to be triggered by barometric shifts. There is even some evidence that SAD (seasonal affected disorder) may be linked to barometric pressure changes. So the next time you wake up feeling off, remember it may not be you at all. It is probably just the weather.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Creating Happiness when Life doesn't bring it Naturally
By Christine Thackeray
A few months ago we went to a "Bunko" party. Bunko is a lot like Yahtzee- it is all luck. The luckiest people at throwing dice move up and the unlucky ones move down. It should be a totally random process but surprisingly its not. The same people including my husband seemed to be constantly at the front table and I with a few other pathetic individuals spent the night at the dregs. It was humbling but enlightening.
As we left for the evening some of the people at the last table had great fun, no pressure, only felt they could go up from there, where as one woman was truly upset and felt like she was a total loser. (I'm not going to tell you which was me.)
Too often life is like that night playing Bunko or like the parable of the talents, the lucky people get everything. Why did the Lord give the one talent to the guy that had ten and not to the one who had five. It's like some people just get all the luck- you know?
Last week I lost at the "Bunko" game of life. Our house was supposed to sell, but the buyers walked away last minute. I had a manuscript rejected for copyright and the work to fix it is going to be emotionally wrenching and physically exhausting, and some people yelled at me because I was late to an activity. My feelings were hurt and I was publically embarrassed. The next day I was totally "dish-rag woman"- depression oozed from my heart in its silent blanket of apathy. I couldn't force myself to smile or cry, I just didn't care. I didn't answer the phone and I didn't act responsibly. Knowing myself, I could stay in a "funk" like this for days if I didn't do anything. I was an empty well and it was time to fill it.
SO- (I'm proud of myself because I don't always do this) I did fun stuff all day long! I played Literati on the computer and won like five times. Then I called four of my sisters and gabbed about kids and life and I laughed! I took my son to lunch and then came home and watched a movie with my children slouched all around me. By the end of the night I was so much happier and felt I could at least begin to conquer all the mountains that had defeated me the day before.
The next morning I rolled up my sleeves and called my sister Marianna (who is practically perfect in every way.) We are writing this book together and I wanted to see how she felt about the rejection since I only emailed the info to her (and was putting off facing her because if she blamed me, I would have crumbled into nothingness.) When she answered the phone, she confessed that she was so upset about the rejections that she had spent the day reading the book, "Eclipse" to get away from it and give her brain a rest.
I thought that was totally unfair. She had figured out that sometimes when life is too much to handle, you just need to step back and feed yourself. Wow, she had figured that out and didn't even have to deal with the grumpy monster that lives in my brain. Maybe that's why she doesn't have a grumpy monster in her brain.
Hormonal shifts, neurological injury or illness aside, when our depression is triggered by externals, we need to remember we have the power to change our input. We are not trapped in a single position, being force-fed life. We can sometimes choose what to participate in to bring us back to center, where we can deal with life. If I could do that one thing better, I may never get to the point where I fall apart. That's the hope anyway.
Back to the parable of the talents in the Bible, the interesting thing that does make me happy is that the guy with ten talents and the one with only half as much both got the same reward. It is OK if we do less, as long as we do our best and sometimes that best means taking a little breather now and then.
A few months ago we went to a "Bunko" party. Bunko is a lot like Yahtzee- it is all luck. The luckiest people at throwing dice move up and the unlucky ones move down. It should be a totally random process but surprisingly its not. The same people including my husband seemed to be constantly at the front table and I with a few other pathetic individuals spent the night at the dregs. It was humbling but enlightening.
As we left for the evening some of the people at the last table had great fun, no pressure, only felt they could go up from there, where as one woman was truly upset and felt like she was a total loser. (I'm not going to tell you which was me.)
Too often life is like that night playing Bunko or like the parable of the talents, the lucky people get everything. Why did the Lord give the one talent to the guy that had ten and not to the one who had five. It's like some people just get all the luck- you know?
Last week I lost at the "Bunko" game of life. Our house was supposed to sell, but the buyers walked away last minute. I had a manuscript rejected for copyright and the work to fix it is going to be emotionally wrenching and physically exhausting, and some people yelled at me because I was late to an activity. My feelings were hurt and I was publically embarrassed. The next day I was totally "dish-rag woman"- depression oozed from my heart in its silent blanket of apathy. I couldn't force myself to smile or cry, I just didn't care. I didn't answer the phone and I didn't act responsibly. Knowing myself, I could stay in a "funk" like this for days if I didn't do anything. I was an empty well and it was time to fill it.
SO- (I'm proud of myself because I don't always do this) I did fun stuff all day long! I played Literati on the computer and won like five times. Then I called four of my sisters and gabbed about kids and life and I laughed! I took my son to lunch and then came home and watched a movie with my children slouched all around me. By the end of the night I was so much happier and felt I could at least begin to conquer all the mountains that had defeated me the day before.
The next morning I rolled up my sleeves and called my sister Marianna (who is practically perfect in every way.) We are writing this book together and I wanted to see how she felt about the rejection since I only emailed the info to her (and was putting off facing her because if she blamed me, I would have crumbled into nothingness.) When she answered the phone, she confessed that she was so upset about the rejections that she had spent the day reading the book, "Eclipse" to get away from it and give her brain a rest.
I thought that was totally unfair. She had figured out that sometimes when life is too much to handle, you just need to step back and feed yourself. Wow, she had figured that out and didn't even have to deal with the grumpy monster that lives in my brain. Maybe that's why she doesn't have a grumpy monster in her brain.
Hormonal shifts, neurological injury or illness aside, when our depression is triggered by externals, we need to remember we have the power to change our input. We are not trapped in a single position, being force-fed life. We can sometimes choose what to participate in to bring us back to center, where we can deal with life. If I could do that one thing better, I may never get to the point where I fall apart. That's the hope anyway.
Back to the parable of the talents in the Bible, the interesting thing that does make me happy is that the guy with ten talents and the one with only half as much both got the same reward. It is OK if we do less, as long as we do our best and sometimes that best means taking a little breather now and then.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Do you feel a little blue in the winter?
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a form of depression triggered by the shorter periods of light in winter. Annual episodes usually begin in the fall and end in March or April, with the coming of spring. according to NIMH estimates, some 10 million Americans have SAD. Sufferers feel helpless and guilt-ridden and have difficulty thinking and making decisions. They typically crave carbohydrate-rich foods and gain weight during the cold months, and spend many more hours asleep, yet feel chronically exhausted.
Symptoms of SAD
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a form of depression triggered by the shorter periods of light in winter. Annual episodes usually begin in the fall and end in March or April, with the coming of spring. according to NIMH estimates, some 10 million Americans have SAD. Sufferers feel helpless and guilt-ridden and have difficulty thinking and making decisions. They typically crave carbohydrate-rich foods and gain weight during the cold months, and spend many more hours asleep, yet feel chronically exhausted.
Symptoms of SAD
- Sleep problems: Desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake, but in some cases disturbed sleep and early morning wakening.
- Lethargy: Feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine.
- Overeating: Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods, usually resulting in weight gain
- Depression: Feelings of misery, guilt and loss of self-esteem, sometimes hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings
- Social problems: Irritability and desire to avoid social contact
- Anxiety: Tension and inability to tolerate stress
- Loss of Libido: Decreased interest in s*x and physical contact
- Mood changes: In some sufferers, extremes of ood and short periods of hypoania (overactivity) in spring and autumn.
Most sufferers show signs of a weakened immune system during the winter, and are more vulnerable to infections and other illnesses. SAD symptoms disappear in spring, either suddenly or with a short period (4 weeks) of hyperactivity, or gradually, depending on the intensity of sunlight in the spring and early summer. SAD may begin at any age, but the main age of onset is between 18 and 30 years. Daily exercise has been shown to be helpful, particularly when done outdoors. For tose who tend to crave sweets during the winter, eating a balanced diet may help one's mood. Conversely, as the mood improves, craving for sweets may abate. Briht Light Therapy is one of the most common ways to counteract the symptoms of SAD. There are many lights on the market, but here are a few things to look for when searching for a lamp:
- UV-shielded for safety
- EMF- shielded for safety
- Flicker free
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Life with depression
Today starts a series of posts on depression, anxiety, panic attacks and the like.
The alarm clock goes off, waking you from the sleep that took you most of the night to find. You rub your eyes and try to stretch, but stretching just makes you aware of how tired you really are. You rub your eyes again trying to clear the sleep induced fog from them. Maybe a shower will help.
After your shower, you rub your eyes again. Must be the steam from the water. Maybe breakfast will wake you up. You stand in front of the cupboard looking for something to eat. You don't want to eat, but you have to, your stomache is protesting being empty. You have a bowl of oatmeal, you hate oatmeal. You used to like food, didn't you?
Teeth are brushed and makeup on, you didn't have to think about them, they are automatic movements like breathing or you might never do them. They really take a lot of energy. You are so tired and just want to go back to bed, but life is calling. Go away and leave me alone, I just want to rest, you have to tell that voice to leave, you have life. Clothes. Pick jeans, any shirt will go with jeans and one more decsion that you don't have to make.
You wipe at your eyes again. Why does everything still look like a sleep induced fog?
Gotta go to work. Paste on the fake smile, the life is good mask. The, I am so blessed to be alive lie. Step into the big plastic bubble that you walk through life in. And wipe your eyes again.
Kids, work, questions, reports, filing, driving, bills, phone calls, e-mails to answer, I just want to go to bed, I am so tired.
Oh, the floor needs mopped- again. You are too tired to lift the mop, you'll get it tomorrow.
Is it time for bed yet? Rub your eyes.
Finally, everyone is in bed and the hotspots of the home are out, you can go to bed. You lie there, exhausted, but sleep is playing hide and seek again and you just cannot find him. Why won't he ever play a quiet, laying in the bed dreaming game?
The alarm clock goes off, waking you from the sleep that took you most of the night to find...
The alarm clock goes off, waking you from the sleep that took you most of the night to find. You rub your eyes and try to stretch, but stretching just makes you aware of how tired you really are. You rub your eyes again trying to clear the sleep induced fog from them. Maybe a shower will help.
After your shower, you rub your eyes again. Must be the steam from the water. Maybe breakfast will wake you up. You stand in front of the cupboard looking for something to eat. You don't want to eat, but you have to, your stomache is protesting being empty. You have a bowl of oatmeal, you hate oatmeal. You used to like food, didn't you?
Teeth are brushed and makeup on, you didn't have to think about them, they are automatic movements like breathing or you might never do them. They really take a lot of energy. You are so tired and just want to go back to bed, but life is calling. Go away and leave me alone, I just want to rest, you have to tell that voice to leave, you have life. Clothes. Pick jeans, any shirt will go with jeans and one more decsion that you don't have to make.
You wipe at your eyes again. Why does everything still look like a sleep induced fog?
Gotta go to work. Paste on the fake smile, the life is good mask. The, I am so blessed to be alive lie. Step into the big plastic bubble that you walk through life in. And wipe your eyes again.
Kids, work, questions, reports, filing, driving, bills, phone calls, e-mails to answer, I just want to go to bed, I am so tired.
Oh, the floor needs mopped- again. You are too tired to lift the mop, you'll get it tomorrow.
Is it time for bed yet? Rub your eyes.
Finally, everyone is in bed and the hotspots of the home are out, you can go to bed. You lie there, exhausted, but sleep is playing hide and seek again and you just cannot find him. Why won't he ever play a quiet, laying in the bed dreaming game?
The alarm clock goes off, waking you from the sleep that took you most of the night to find...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Last day
This weekend it happened. That one day of the year that I hate and hope I don't notice. The day the sunlight changes. It always happens after Aug. 15. So I spend my days in Aug. busy. I keep myself as busy as I can hoping that one day I will look up and it will be Sept. or Oct. and I won't have noticed the light change.
It never works.
This past Saturday was hot and muggy and a bit cloudy and then it rained. Sunday was cloudy all day so it appeared dark. Then Monday I looked out the window at school and dang it- I noticed the angle of the light from the sun was a bit lower, a bit darker. I hate that because that means the depression is coming. This is how it starts, Noticeing the light change and fell a little switch inside turn and then a darkness seems to creep up and start to envelpe me and I am caught and everything seems worse than it really is. And I am tired. So, so tired. So tired that I just want to hibernate. I wonder if this is the same thing that triggers that instinct in animals. Too bad I can't sleep off all the weight the way the animals do.
It lasts, gripping me in its deep darkness until that magical day in December that the light starts to shift back. Dec. 21. The day that is the shortests in the year. I watch the shadows each day after this as they last longer and longer and it takes longer for the sun to set. And then it is April, we change the clocks forward and the switch switches again. The darkness lets go of it's death grip and I can breath again.
**** My depression is mostly situational and if my life circumstances were different the ever present depression would leave. However, the winter time SAD (seasonal affictive disorder) would still be there. There is just not enough light in Utah during the winter. I just have to make sure that I am in the sunshine as much a possible.
It never works.
This past Saturday was hot and muggy and a bit cloudy and then it rained. Sunday was cloudy all day so it appeared dark. Then Monday I looked out the window at school and dang it- I noticed the angle of the light from the sun was a bit lower, a bit darker. I hate that because that means the depression is coming. This is how it starts, Noticeing the light change and fell a little switch inside turn and then a darkness seems to creep up and start to envelpe me and I am caught and everything seems worse than it really is. And I am tired. So, so tired. So tired that I just want to hibernate. I wonder if this is the same thing that triggers that instinct in animals. Too bad I can't sleep off all the weight the way the animals do.
It lasts, gripping me in its deep darkness until that magical day in December that the light starts to shift back. Dec. 21. The day that is the shortests in the year. I watch the shadows each day after this as they last longer and longer and it takes longer for the sun to set. And then it is April, we change the clocks forward and the switch switches again. The darkness lets go of it's death grip and I can breath again.
**** My depression is mostly situational and if my life circumstances were different the ever present depression would leave. However, the winter time SAD (seasonal affictive disorder) would still be there. There is just not enough light in Utah during the winter. I just have to make sure that I am in the sunshine as much a possible.
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